The Self-Improvement Trap

Sometimes the voice in our head telling us we need to get better is actually our greatest enemy.

When I was a younger man, perfectionism and imposter syndrome in full stride, I spent inordinate amounts of time trying to better myself. I consumed all the quality self-improvement content I could get my hands on. Whether it’s health, finance, business, psychology or you name it, I’ve probably studied it at some point. I’ve filled dozens of legal pads and notebooks with meticulous notes of all the key lessons I’ve gleamed in my years of study. When I’d finally arrive at “creation time” I’d label everything I did practice, not daring to actually commit. I regularly worked 15 hours straight trying to defeat my perfectionism with perfection. Needless to say I’ve spent a lot of time in my bedroom.

It’s often considered a key tenant of success to focus on learning over money and play the long game. While modern, salaryperson culture never dissuades us from furthering our education, hustling and working harder, it puts little focus on the pie chart of how we might spend our time and energy. Most of us are afraid of trying new things, but I would argue the fear of success is also a crucial and overwhelmingly underappreciated piece of the puzzle. The fear of being fraudulent and being the nail that sticks out when we aren’t as smart as we may appear is more than a passing concern.

Given my life long pursuit of deep learning, I will be the first to admit that self-improvement with all of its potential pitfalls is better than being idle or simply consuming entertainment. The problem is that your reading list, all the great podcasts you have to listen to, and the degree(s) you don’t yet have are very compelling and reasonable sounding excuses to forego actually getting started. We say we want to start hiking, but hide behind the fact that we don’t have the correct $300 backpack, with a camel pouch and optimal snack capacity. We say we wanna learn Japanese, but we just don’t have 15 hours a week to “waste” on learning a language. The self-talk and word choice here is so important. I’ve decided that before I can go hiking I need to frivolously spend more than what I have laying around on a backpack, and that I would be wasting time (apparently 15 hours a week) on learning a language I say I WANT to learn. These excuses seem clever in our heads, but once we write them down, it’s immediately obvious how ridiculous and illogical these excuses really are. If I wanna go hike or learn a language 1 hour a week is better than zero, and I certainly don’t need any fancy, expensive equipment.

Through my experience of mindfulness, I’ve learned over time that I often use the need to improve as an excuse not to create. Instead of practicing my art or sitting down and emptying my monkey mind into my notebook, I default to “I don’t know enough.” Weird, I just spent a whole paragraph telling you about all the books I’ve read and the notes I have, leaving out all the courses, projects and years of personal experimentation I continually put massive amounts of energy into. If someone else told me they were super well read and had been on a self-improvement journey for the last 12 years doing the things I just mentioned I would be dumbfounded as to how they reckon they have nothing to say.

From studying my own psychology and what it takes to be a successful creative I’ve learned that winning and perfection cannot be the ultimate point. Not always producing the magic, or getting the number of likes you want on a piece should have almost no bearing on why or whether we create. The best make what they want to make and what they can’t find for themselves and are satisfied even if no one comes to the show. In an odd way I think most of us spend our lives running away from what we really want to chase money, only to figure out much too late that success is born from authentic self-expression.

So, are you consuming something so you can say you’re “on a self-improvement journey,” or is there something actionable you’re going to apply right when you put it down?